The 85th Broadcast - The 92nd Broadcast
- 2030, July 29, 17:00 -
“Hello everyone, it’s time for the Apocalypse Radio. As always, I’m your host, A. I’m broadcasting from the center of the world, and I believe that my voice will reach you.
“Yesterday was terrible. I was fixing the AC after going off-air, but I slipped from the ladder. Thankfully I didn’t get seriously hurt, but I did twist my ankle. It’s still a bit painful.
“I feel like it’s going to take about three days to get better, so until then I’m going to stay still. So lucky that I decided to get more food the day before yesterday. I was actually almost running out at the time.
“Even such a perfect girl as me can still procrastinate, you know? Had my lazy habit kicked in two days ago, I would have been in a huge pickle by now. Too close. Maybe I can actually see the future?
“My base, which is to say the center of the world, is close to a supermarket, and I’ve always been getting supplies from there. I did say close, but I still have to cross a barricade, plus it’s infected town over there so it’s still dangerous.
“So I really didn’t want to have to go while hurt. Good job, two-days-ago me! If I had a time machine I’d come back to show my gratitude… no, that’s stupid! If I had a time machine, I should just go back to before the outbreak!
“So how was that solo skit? I think I’ve gotten used to this. Never stop growing, never stop learning, that’s my motto. Not really.
“Alright, what should I talk about today? After running this program for so long I’m starting to run out of topics. I may be a genius conversationalist, yet even I’m finding myself running into the limits of adlibbing.
“Oh, I just saw a bag of potato chips from yesterday, so I’ll talk about chips. Chips are a great source of energy since they don’t rot. Take a note, fresh food, you suck.
“Remember that supermarket I mentioned earlier? The fresh food corner is now a hazard zone. It stinks and looks horrifying. I’ve been trying to avoid it, but I can still sense its aura from a different area. Super yuck.
“Of course the infected are in the supermarket too, I just hate that corner as much as I hate them. Luckily enough, the fresh food area doesn’t move. Take a note, infected.
“Then again, I guess it’s fortunate that the infected are slow. As a former sports clubber, they might as well be standing still to me… okay maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration.
“I’m starting to really miss living people. I really want someone to come here… But if I tell you where I am, I’m going to get a crowd of fans coming for me. Yeahhh, that’s not ok.
“Listeners, try to find me yourself. I’m always waiting at the center of the world. There’s electricity too, so it’s pretty comfy. Oh yeah, get this-
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“It’s getting late, so I’m ending the program for today. Goodbye everyone, I’ll see you again next time.”
- The Apocalypse Radio, 85th broadcast. Audience number: 1 -
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- 2030, July 30, 17:00 -
“Hello everyone, it’s time for the Apocalypse Radio. I’m your host, A. I’m broadcasting from the center of the world, and I believe that my voice will reach you.
“I did absolutely nothing today. Two days ago I hurted my ankle, so now I’m just resting. If I force myself to keep working, it’s going to take a lot longer to heal up. Safety first! Which is to say that I’m now legally allowed to laze around. Not that anyone would enforce it even if it was illegal. I am the law! Seriously though, being injured is exactly the time to take it easy, I know from experience.
“Back when I was in school, there was this one time when I also twisted my ankle. It hurted, but not so much that I couldn’t push through it, so I got reckless and kept going to practice. I wanted to go since at the time, I was all about that rosy school life, and club activities were a big part of that. And then what was supposed to be just a light injury ended up needing one whole month to heal.
“So I’m not moving an inch today! No, I’m not a NEET… Wait, I’m not employed. I guess that makes me one.
“But hold on a minute. I just realized an incredible truth. It’s not just me. Right now, I don’t think there’s anyone in the world who’s working. Which is to say that the entire human race are NEETs. Wow. Must be the end of the world. Wait, it is. Dammit.
“Alright, next topic! Hmm, let’s see… oh yeah, so today-
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“And that’s it for today! Goodbye everyone, I’ll see you again next time.”
- The Apocalypse Radio, 86th broadcast. Audience number: 1 -
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- 2030, July 31, 17:00 -
“Hello everyone, it’s time for the Apocalypse Radio. I’m your host, A, a figure of secrets and mysteries. I’m broadcasting from the center of the world, and I believe that my voice will reach you.
“Yeah, let’s go, Apocalypse Radio! I’m quite excited today. I’ve been staying still for a few days now, so I’ve got a lot of energy to work off. Speaking of my ankle sprain, I thought it’d take about three days to heal, but it still hurts. So today is going to be another day of lazing around. It’s gotten much better now, but not to the point where I can run around without worries. I still drag my foot a bit when I’m walking.
“It’ll probably take another three days to heal, I think. Just a gut feeling. That gut feeling has kept me alive until now though, so don’t underestimate it! It’s got a whole almost-fifty percent accuracy!
“Despite the injury, though, doing absolutely nothing the whole time doesn’t sit well with me, so I’m going to start checking on the barricade from tomorrow. Need to reinforce it once in a while. I’ve not checked on it for three days, so I’m getting pretty scared.
“There are a few staircases I’ll need to go through, and the thought of going up and down with this leg isn’t a comfortable one, but don’t worry. I can totally do this. I’m a sports genius, remember? It’s gonna fine, I’m sure.
“Wait, did I jinx myself with that line? Crap, ignore that! Pretend I didn’t say anything!
“Phew, too close. I undid what I said so it should be safe now. My gut feeling is telling me so.
“Let’s get this back on track. Today, I-
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“Goodbye, everyone, I’ll see you again next time.”
- The Apocalypse Radio, 87th broadcast. Audience number: 1 -
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- 2030, August 1, 17:28 -
“Hello everyone, it’s time for the Apocalypse Radio. I’m late today, sorry! I’m your host, A! I’m broadcasting from the center of the world, and I believe that my voice will reach you.
“I would like to apologize to the one hundred million ladies, gentlemen, boys, and girls of Japan who were waiting for my program. I’m sorry to have made you worry, I didn’t mean to miss the starting time.
“I just want to be clear here, the Apocalypse Radio doesn’t actually have a fixed schedule at five in the afternoon. It’s random. It just so happened that I’ve been going on-air at five, and I don’t remember when it started being this way, but I didn’t make a schedule. Then again, I’ve gotten used to starting at five too, so I think I’m still going to begin the program at five from here on. Just remember that it’s entirely possible I’ll suddenly start broadcasting at another hour.
“So why was I so late? Well, I just took a bit longer than expected when reinforcing the barricade, it’s been a while since I last did it. It wasn’t an emergency or anything, please don’t worry. Alright, I think that’s enough. I’ve fulfilled my responsibility of transparency to the listeners. Proud of myself, me.
“I have something I want to talk about today. To be honest, this topic has existed as a vague idea in my mind for a while now, but I keep forgetting when I start up the program since ad-libbing has been the only way I roll.
“So today’s topic is about eyesight! How good are your eyes, everyone? Mine is better than 20/20 unaided. Amazing, right? Then again, in this day and age, the only people who remain are either hawkeyes even without glasses, or those who do have glasses.
“I wonder what happened to the people wearing contacts? Guess they switched to glasses? I have no idea. Sounds like a rough time. Anyway, so I was thinking, there’s got to be contact-wearers among the infected too, right? How are their eyes now? It has to hurt, right? They probably can’t feel the pain, but I don’t think I want to see how it looks like. Then again, I wouldn’t know, it’s not like I’ve ever worn contacts.
“But you know how every single one of the infected will go into berserk mode when you get close to a certain distance with them and they can see you? How does their vision work, then? Anyone who figures this out is probably going to get a Nobel prize.
“And anyway, vision-
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“Goodbye everyone, I’ll see you again next time.”
- The Apocalypse Radio, 88th broadcast. Audience number: 1 -
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- 2030, August 2, 17:00 -
“Hello everyone, it’s time for the Apocalypse Radio. I’m your host and your idol, A! I’m broadcasting from the center of the world, and I believe that my voice will reach you.
“So I just realized this today, but it’s apparently August already. To those of you who are students, make sure you finish your summer homework early. Oh, right, there’s no school for you to go to anymore. Forget about it then.
“But I’m a bit jealous of you schoolboys and girls. Back when I was a student, homework was the bane of my existence. Must be heaven, not having homework. So far off from the hell that real life is right now… actually, pretend I didn’t say that.
“This radio program is supposed to be about positivity. I’m not going to talk about how terrible reality is. I’m supposed to be the Master of Joy and Cheer, but I seem to be lacking in positive energy these days. Brighten up, me! Stop being emo! Emo me is beautiful too though! Hooh! Haah!
“Human contact really is important, isn’t it? When you’re alone, you’re going to fall into this downward spiral of bad thoughts. Hurry up everyone and come here, to the center of the world. Come here and you’ll get to talk to me, not for free though! Let’s see… Five hundred yen for ten minutes, how about that? What? Too expensive? Come on, don’t underestimate me, I’m A-class, not A-size… not that I am A-size… you know what I’ll just shut up now.
“I’m still not telling you where I live though. I’m too famous to do that.
“Wait, hold on… aren’t the people who can figure it out on their own worse for me than the ones who can’t? Eh, whatever, I’m not thinking anymore. Too much of a headache.
“So what should we talk about today? Oh, that’s right, I haven’t told you about this one idea that I and my sister thought of, about a flyer distribution part-time job. It’s an idea that’s worth the Grand Nobel Prize, let me tell you. So basically, when you start the job, you just need to take home all the flyers-
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“Goodbye, everyone, I’ll see you again next time… *sighs*...”
- The Apocalypse Radio, 89th broadcast. Audience number: 1 -
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- 2030, August 3, 17:06 -
“Hello everyone, it’s time for the Apocalypse Radio. I’m broadcasting from the center of the world, and I believe that my voice will reach you.
“Can you believe we’re on our 90th broadcast today?! Just a bit more until the 100th. Three digits look great, doesn’t it? One hundred, unbelievable. Well we’re not actually there yet, but still.
“The genius that I am used to score about 80 in tests on average back when I was still in school, so a score of 90 means I have surpassed myself. Top of the class! I don’t even know what I meant by that.
“By the way, I’m not ending this program after the 100th broadcast, so no need to worry. There, there, I know the thought almost got you sobbing on the floor, it’s fine, I’m here for you. I plan on keeping this program alive for as long as I live. If there’s a day when I don’t broadcast… well, there won’t be, so let’s move on to the next topic!
“Speaking of grades, you all know how I’m pretty smart, right? I don’t mean smart in the sense that it makes me a good student, but that my brain works really fast. Every time I talked about this with my friends they all said no, but I think I’m actually a genius.
“There was this one time long ago when I tried out a simple IQ test. What do you think my results were?... Dun-dun-dun! I scored 105!... Yeah, super mid. Which couldn’t possibly be right.
“I know it was a simplified test and not accurate, but I just could not accept it. I still can’t. How can it be right when I’m so smart and so pretty?!
“My intelligence is such that no mere IQ test can constrain me. Anyway, jokes aside-
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“And goodbye, everyone, I’ll see you again next time.”
- The Apocalypse Radio, 90th broadcast. Audience number: 1 -
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- 2030, August 4, 17:00 -
“*huff* *huff* Safe and sound… Ahem, test, test, alright… Hello everyone, it’s time for the Apocalypse Radio. I’m broadcasting from the center of the world, and I believe that my voice will reach you.
“What do you use to cut your nails nowadays? If you weren’t home when the infection started, that means you don’t have a nail clipper, right? It’s the kind of thing you don’t realize you miss until you actually need it. I should know, I wasn’t home either. By the time one month had passed, the urge to trim it was just overwhelming. You wouldn’t believe how distressing it was when I realized I didn’t have a nail cutter.
“At first, I tried to make do with something sharp but it didn’t work out, so I ended up using my teeth. Self-sufficiency, you know? I was pretty hesitant at first, now I don’t even give a second thought. Just nom away.
“Before the outbreak, I never thought how convenient a nail clipper was. There are just so many things we take for granted, and it was a nail clipper that helped me realize that. Thank you, nail clipper. I don’t think there’s anyone in the world right now who gives as much thought as I do to nail clippers.
“Also, cotton swabs or ear cleaners. Which do you prefer? Personally I like that fluffy ball that’s on one end of an ear cleaner. Does anyone agree-
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“Goodbye, everyone, I’ll see you again next time.”
- The Apocalypse Radio, 91st broadcast. Audience number: 1 -
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- 2030, August 5, 17:19 -
“Hello everyone, it’s time for the Apocalypse Radio. I’m broadcasting from the center of the world, and I believe that my voice will reach you.
“It was just pouring today. I kept getting startled by the thunder. Might even be a typhoon, it’s almost the season. I didn’t think it’d be this bad, after all, there was barely any heavy rain last year. I’m kind of worried about the electricity, so today’s program is going to run shorter than usual. What, I should just not broadcast, you say? Non-non-non, for I am the very model of a radio host. Nothing stops me from broadcasting.
“It’s stopped by now though, like it wasn’t even there. Just a moment ago, the rain and thunder were so loud that when it suddenly went silent, that got me startled too. Oh well, no more rain is good.
“Oh yeah, I haven’t talked about my ankle in a while. It’s healed! My gut feeling was actually right. Sorry for worrying you all. Supergirl A is back in action, and nothing can stop her!
“Well then, do you know what episode it is today? It’s the 92nd! Ninety-two! We’re just steps away from the hundredth episode. And tomorrow will be exactly three months since I started! I’m the type of pretty girl that’s very aware of significant dates, so tomorrow’s broadcast will be a special episode! The details will be something to look forward to. Also, the hundredth episode will also be a special episode! Now you’ve got even more things to look forward to. Oh yes, I can hear your applause, my adoring fans.
“People really do need something to look forward to once in a while to keep going, right? I should know.
“Alright, so let’s talk about the carbonated drink rankings. What? This came from out of nowhere? Of course it did, I only thought of the topic just now. First off, in the undisputed number one position has got to be Co-
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“Goodbye, everyone, I’ll see you again next time.”
- The Apocalypse Radio, 92nd broadcast. Audience number: 1 -
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- 2030, August 5, 22:47 -
Drip.
Drip.
Pitter. Patter.
Drizzling.
Gurgling.
Roaring.
Rumbling. Cracking. Crashing.
“Fuck… it hurts…”
The rain has started.
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