Chapter 1
"!?!?"
I reflexively shot up.
I looked around in a fluster, and as I looked at my Smartphone on the bedside it clearly displayed the date 'December 22'.
Along with the feelings of relief, the exhaustion struck my body in the all too familiar room.
"That scared me."
What was that? That dream was bad even as a joke.
Why the hell did Natsumi die right after the confession? Who would want something like that?
"Really, why did I have such a dream at a time like this......"
Even after touching my cheeks, the sensation of lukewarm blood was nowhere to be found.
But even so, a strange sense of reality still remained and it stimulated my anxiety in an awful manner. Thanks to that, my heartbeat was unable to settle down and alarm bell-like sounds were reverberating inside my ears. On top of that, my whole body was damp with unpleasant sweat and I felt as bad as I possibly could.
Or rather, my monologues clearly increased compared to the time when I was in my family house.
"So I saw that kind of dream due to desiring her body warmth? Well, it was indeed nice until about midway, but still..."
Thus, I remembered the sensation of hugging Natsumi while I was collapsed on the bed.
She was so soft and warm, and I don't know what it was but she smelled really nice. Her voice near my ears felt ticklish and above all,
"Her chest really is huge."
Wait, not that. What am I even thinking about this early in the morning?
Alright, let's not get carried away by these delusions and quickly prepare to go to school. That right now was a dream. In the first place, what's up with rushing ahead when it's not even Christmas Eve yet?
Still, just for argument's sake.
If I confessed on the Eve and it also went well, I'm sure it would turn out just like that. When that happens, not just her breasts but also...
"Wait, stop thinking about it! I will be meeting Natsumi today. I can't show my face to her when my head is filled with these thoughts."
As I rose my body to get rid of such stupid delusions, the chilly air sent shivers down my spine.
"Cold!"
Indeed, since exhaled air turns white even inside the room, you can easily imagine just how freezing cold it must be outside. But it just might be perfect with this. My head will cool down a bit with this.
While thinking of such things, I took the camera from my desk and headed to the balcony, but the coldness that was enough to make my shoulders shrug on reflex made me tremble.
It wouldn't be strange if you ended up sneezing after feeling the splitting coldness of winter in the stinging air.
Not minding the cold, I looked through the viewfinder and my head grew colder in one go.
"──"
As I concentrated, my senses started to sharpen and it felt good.
The clear sensation that showed itself every time I set up the camera coupled with the stinging air had spread the calm and serene feeling through my mind.
All my idle thoughts faded away, and I pointed its lens at the scenery before me as part of the camera.
My zen gaze perceived the world in greater detail.
Numerous light poles were put along the row of houses. Tree sparrows were resting on the electric lines, and opposite to the residential district there was a business district lined up with skyscrapers. And in the centre of them stood the Abies Tower, which pierced the sky.
The streets of Misono city were once more lit with the low, morning sun of the winter. It shone forth from the stark shadows with a serene atmosphere, and even the very presence of the crowds was bathed in the tranquil colour.
A usual morning with a peculiar atmosphere and with a mixture of the usual listlessness and business.
Many people let loose their feelings because it was the time to start this new day.
──click!
The short sound of the electronic camera shutter hit my ear drums.
"Fuh."
As I removed my eye from the viewfinder and took a breath, the serenity I felt when I had the camera set up started to disappear. Ever since I received a camera as a congratulatory gift for entering high school I've been constantly gazing at this wondrous scenery.
Thus, looking at the changing scenery every day and pointing the lens at it from the fourth floor of the apartment feels like I'm recording each and every day and it's really interesting.
That's why I take one shot for each day.
That is both a daily routine and a habit.
"That said, it sure turned even colder today."
It was so cold that it felt like the still dimly-lit sky was preparing to let it snow. I'm sure that General Frost somewhere up in the skies was waiting for the right time to do just that.
"Though if it's going to snow, it would be perfect if it started snowing on the Christmas Eve."
If such a miracle truly happened then I'm sure Natsumi would be delighted. Her appearance as she delightfully stops the softly falling snow on her palms would surely be a charming sight.
If I was allowed, I would want to take a picture of such a sight......
"That said."
There's also the part where I would feel really awkward. In the first place, what should I even say?
Something like 'Please be my model'?
Or maybe 'Let me take a picture of you'?
I would feel awkward thinking about what I did. Not that I'm in any position to say such thing.
But well, if it's Natsumi, I do feel that she would just say 'sure' while acting embarrassed, and that would be quite cute in its own way,
"Rather, it's pointless to be worrying about every little thing."
Shaking off my daydreams, I left the balcony behind. The room where the winter's cold air flowed in felt much more refreshing than when I woke up. It would relieve me of all those feelings if I took just one breath.
And so, taking the chance to pick up the camera journal with the worn-out and tattered corners from the desk while putting the camera on it had also could be said to have become my daily routine.
A single photo was inserted on the spread that had a crease to the extent that it opened on its own, and next to it was such writing.
"First Place - Kuroe Riichi"
"......"
Although it's a short phrase, it's written with the largest letters inside the spread, and it made me feel a mixture of both happiness and regret.
That photo, titled "Her World", was something I took myself and submitted for the Readers' Submissions Award that this camera magazine held monthly.
"I never thought it would end up winning."
At any rate, more than half a year has passed already since it got published, but I still have no real sense of it.
Even when I was contacted by the editorial department about the win, I dealt with it as if it was someone else's business, and no matter how much time passes it still doesn’t feel real.
Of course, I'm happy about it. However, beyond that, there are vast, conflicting feelings I have towards Natsumi because of it.
After all, this photograph was something that captured her privacy, and I didn't give her even a word of notice when submitting it.
"It's impolite no matter how I think about it."
That's how it is, so why am I delighted about it? Luckily it won, but there's no changing the fact that I've done something insincere towards Natsumi.
Yes, for that reason, no matter how much I'm praised I can't fully accept it. Even if those were the words of Natsumi herself.
▼
"Why did you reject it?"
Natsumi, with a sullen expression, had her trademark large headphones hanging from her neck today too, as always. Now, at lunch break, me and Natsumi were avoiding the public gaze and were eating lunch inside the empty classroom. I mean, wouldn't it be terribly embarrassing if we ate lunch together where everyone could see us?
"Isn't that given? I just got first place by pure chance. In the end, it's just on the level of a hobby."
Natsumi who couldn't come to agree with that pursed her lips.
"Come on, why are you saying that, Riichi? Even though you've got quite the talent for it. And besides, I, um... I l-like that picture you took, you know......?"
"If you are embarrassed about it then don't say it in the first place. Even I'm becoming embarrassed."
"Wha!? And here I took my time to praise you! Don't look away now!!"
Of course, I'm looking away because I'm embarrassed. I'm truly glad to be told that, but facing her in this kind of situation is a bit....you know?
"I don't care anymore! Riichi you idiot."
While shrugging her shoulders in dejection contrary to what she said, Natsumi started poking her small bento. As someone who bought lots of bread and rice balls at the school cafeteria, I've not the slightest idea how can just that much be enough. She did well growing such drooping fruits with just that amount. Well, I won't go and specify which part that is though.
"But the picture you took is posted on a pamphlet for new students, right? I guess the teachers thought it was good and requested that. It took first place after all, you know?"
"I'm saying it was just by pure chance. In the first place, since I submitted it without even notifying you, the award is already invalid, isn't it?"
"You sure are honest in the strangest ways. And stubborn at that too. Wouldn't it be fine if you were a bit more flexible about it?"
"You are the only person I didn't want to hear that from."
"Mgh. Humph. After all, I'm an unfriendly, stubborn and loner girl with a weird head. Fine, I get it already."
"Ah, hey. Don't go snatching others people drinks!?"
"Humph."
Despite acting displeased like that, her ears were still bright red. She's too easy to read. After all, her being her, she was probably worrying if she said something weird again or something like that.
"It's fine, really. That picture was something I took because I wanted Natsumi to see it instead of other people. It winning was something that happened by chance."
I told the same to the teacher, but it just ended up with them replying with, "in that case, it's all the better for You to take them". Just what kind of expectations are they putting on me?
"Riichi."
"What?"
"That was pretty sly of you just now."
"what are you talking about?"
"Nothing! That obliviousness of yours really irritates me. Do you even realize how I was at the mercy of your whims?"
I have no idea what she means. Or rather, why did she start pouting all of a sudden?
"Hey, did I do something? If I did, tell me properly and I'll apologize."
"Hey, did I do something? If I did, tell me properly and I'll apologize."
"Haah. Why are you turning serious at such crucial points. I look like a fool, being the only one having awareness. Riichi, if you keep doing such things, you'll definitely get stabbed one day."
"Why are you saying something so scary all of a sudden! Weren't you a bit more gentle when we first met?"
"Shut up, you...take this...!"
Ouch! Why the hell did she just kick me?
"I don't care anymore. You can be sly all you want. Really, I'm the only one worrying about it, like a fool."
I don't get why you sound so awfully happy despite saying that. Rather, even I have lots of things regarding you that I'm anxious about, you know?
Her atmosphere turned gentle lately and she became cute, and the boys in the class talk about her. It's a hot topic during PE class that she has the biggest chest among the girls, and she says I have no awareness. However, if Natsumi herself doesn't become a bit more self-aware, you know, I might worry about various things like the fact that she might get wooed by someone else or something.
"Won't it be fine to be a bit more attentive. How about that?"
"'A bit' you say, how much is that."
"W-Well, y-you know, like giving me a head pat or something......"
Unbelievable, I can't see any logic at all. Just what is going on inside that head of hers!?
"Don't look at me as if you are looking at something really weird!!"
"No no, that's not it! I'm just a little, no, quite surprised that even though you used to have that complete loner barrier surrounding you before, you've really become able to say stuff like that."
"Shut up! I'm saying you don't understand it, how to sense the distance between people."
"You let out some incredible words there. As expected of Natsumi the loner."
"Hey, are you picking a fight? Really now. ......Anyway, hurry up and pet me."
Why must I be told that in such a commanding tone by a girl who has her face flushed red for some reason? That said, when she keeps glancing at me like she wants something I feel like I have to do it. Why is that, I wonder?
"Ouch!?"
But when she pushes out her head so defenselessly there's also the part of me that wants to tease her a bit.
"Why did you poke my forehead!?"
"No, well, your forehead was just at the right place so..."
Natsumi held her forehead while looking at me reproachfully as I said so. Becoming teary-eyed and puffing her cheeks like that, she has really become able to show all sorts emotions.
"My bad."
"Ah!"
This is why I become bewildered whenever she starts acting spoiled like a little while ago.
After all, the first time I talked with Natsumi, she was cold and unfriendly. She didn't get close to people to the point that it really seemed like she had a barrier erected around herself.
And now she lets me pat her head and loosens her cheeks in delight like this. You really can't predict how people will turn out.
......Nevertheless, she sure has pretty hair. It's long, silky, and just touching it like this feels great.
"Why did you stop?"
"Eh, should I keep going? I've been patting you for a good three minutes already, you know?"
"T-The time doesn't matter for things like this. Just satisfy me properly......"
Ahh, damn it. Is this all unawareness as well I wonder.
"Natsumi, you aren't saying similar things to other boys right?"
"Hm? Saying what? And I'm not close to any other guys aside from you."
"──"
I know that, though? That you are a loner, have no friends, and that you harbour memories of loneliness; I know it all. So, how can you say such things directly to my face!?
"What's wrong? Suddenly looking away like that."
"Oh shut it, leave me alone."
"So weird. Haha."
Those parts of her are truly unfair. Of course I would be conscious about it when I'm told something like that all of a sudden. But, I see. So what Natsumi said before was also the same, huh?
Ah, my tone got harsher too.
After all, isn't that how its supposed to be? How can you act normally when you are influenced by such embarrassing emotions?
"But it's really a shame."
"What is?"
"The pictures. You should just take pictures even if you aren't going to put them in a pamphlet."
"As I said, I declined that. Can't you just let it go."
"Mgh. Even though Riichi's talent is something that is recognized by other people, unlike me."
She said those words nonchalantly, but because I knew the depth of the feelings she put into them they weren't something I could just ignore. And so,
"Ouch!? I said stop flicking my forehead already!"
"I'm doing it since you are saying stupid stuff."
"What do you mean stupid. Isn't it the truth? After all, no one understands what I see, not even you, Riichi. I've become a loner exactly because of that."
"But isn't it different now? Also, do you really think that is so? You also saw the picture that I took right?"
When I told her that, Natsumi showed a surprised expression and she started to blush, and then she revealed a small, delighted smile.
"You really are sly."
Well, her words were still as sour as ever.
"You might not believe it, but I'm really grateful you know? That's why I'm fine as long as Riichi understands me. Even if I won't be understood by anyone else, even so, I don't mind."
Contrary to the lonely words that she muttered, her expression was full of warmth.
The pain that tightly grips my heart is a reminder that she lives in a world slightly different from others.
Not seeing what normal people can see and seeing what they can't see.
Natsumi has slightly special circumstances like that.
And because of that, she was bullied in middle school.
That's why Natsumi was always alone and was bad with measuring the distance between people, but for that same reason she acted crabbily, spoiled, and showed various expressions.
But now I'm glad.
"Riichi, aren't you gonna eat? The lunch break will end soon, you know?"
"Hm, ah, that's right."
The momentary sadness passed away, and I returned to the time of a lunch break that was that was surrounded by distant noise. Natsumi poked at her small bento while I reached out to the pile of bread and rice balls.
It was a time of silence.
In a relaxing room.
There seems to be something greatly important here.
"By the way, about the day after yesterday, everything's fine on your end, right......?"
I unintentionally sighed from her evasive way of speaking.
"W-What's with that reaction!?"
"’What’ you say...isn't that given. How many times does this make it? You bringing up that topic."
"It doesn't matter, does it? Besides, I'm anxious about it. A-After all, I never had a d-date promise with a boy before......"
"──!"
Natsumi please just stop it already. If you tell me that with such bright red face, of course I'll also get embarrassed about it. Oh man, what should I do about these unsettling feelings of mine!?
"Hey, it's okay, right? You properly promised me, right?"
"It's fine. Everything is fine, so I'll be waiting in front of the station at eleven o'clock."
"Is that so. ......I'm glad."
What is this feeling of wanting to run away from this place? I already want to rush back to the classroom as soon as possible. And then open a random window and just scream at the winter's blue sky without reason.
"Ah, don't forget it okay, Riichi. I definitely want to see the illumination of the Abies Tower."
"I got it. I'll be sure to remember it."
"Alright then."
Natsumi smiled in satisfaction. Her expression was really bright. Knowing how much of a hedgehog she was at our first meeting, I'm overflowing with emotions when thinking of the change she underwent.
She really turned cute, I thought to myself. But well, as expected that's embarrassing so I couldn't say it out loud.
"Christmas Eve will surely be fun. Let's absolutely make the most out of it."
Christmas Eve.
I felt uneasy about it in contrast to the lively Natsumi.
"......?"
I felt a strange stiffness. Before thinking about such feelings lurking in my heart, I realized that it was probably due to the dream I saw today.
"I love you. I love you, Riichi!"
Natsumi fell backwards as she said those words. The redness of the blood trailing down her slightly open lips along with its deep stain on her chest weighed on my heart.
From that scene that was too realistic, I shut my mouth and slowly swallowed the encroaching nausea, and the sticky and unpleasant sweat travelled down my spine.
It was a chill different from the coldness of winter.
The strong sense of the reality of Natsumi dying came back all of a sudden.
"────"
I breathed out a deep sigh. I told myself to calm down. It's alright, look carefully. Natsumi is still here alive and well.
She's alive. Isn't she right before my eyes?
"Riichi......?"
"Ah, it's nothing. My bad. I was thinking a bit."
"Is something troubling you?"
"No, it's nothing."
Those vague words showed that I was wavering. After all, just what could I say? Should I have said "I saw you die in a dream" just like that? To Natsumi herself?
Give me a break.
It doesn't affect the real her, so why should I purposely say something that'll make her anxious?
"......Is it something you can't talk about with me?"
"No need to delve into every little thing."
"S-Shut up. Is it bad to be worrying about you?"
If I cherish that clumsy kindness of hers, then i can't keep bothering her with my nightmares.
In the first place, "I just had a little nausea", how can I say something like that? Wouldn't it be a waste to spoil the time I spent with her by doing it?
"Really, it's nothing."
"Well, if you say so."
"Yeah. I just blanked out while thinking about the day after tomorrow for a bit."
"Is that so? ......Yeah, I'm looking forward to that day."
Look, Natsumi showed me a smile this bright. I'd rather just forget a strange dream like that.
▼
"This sky is being invaded by an enemy."
If one were to speak of Shiranamise Natsumi, she was famous on social sites as the "Crazy Beauty" who posted pictures together with such phrases.
There were also others like "I see you people", "I seek the enemy's true identity" or "Is there no one who can see it?", and I had already heard of her from rumours in the first year of high school as well as actually seeing those kinds of posts myself.
While I thought that she was an oddball, my interest in her was also piqued. I wondered what she was thinking to be posting such absurd pictures and not even trying to hide it from other people around her.
And when I actually saw Natsumi she turned out to be way cuter than I imagined.
The time I properly met her was when I changed class in the second year of high school. While my other classmates were restlessly chattering in small groups about the upcoming year, Shiranamise was sitting alone and was tampering with her smartphone while listening to music with her big headphones.
She had a 'don't talk to me' aura that I understood well without needing to say a thing.
An open space spread out around her due to her peeved aura spreading there, and inside the bustling classroom only that place had turned into something similar to the eye of a typhoon.
Neither the boys nor the girls tried to proactively talk to her. Even so, I think that the reason why everyone still stole glances at her from time to time was because she looked so beautiful as she passed the time alone like that. I guess what attracted their attention was her disinterest in interacting with anyone, instead staying silent by herself while her classmates frantically raised their voices in order to pass the time with someone.
After all, someone who was clearly a beauty was isolating herself.
Well, as I realized later, this attitude of hers was actually just a cover-up, and deep down it appears that she was just nervous from her inability to measure the distance between people.
And thus, because of her eccentricity on social sites and isolation in class, Shiranamise had entered the new school year without anyone calling out to her.
However, that impression I had of her also only lasted until I had chanced upon her world.
On that day, due to some construction work, the door to the rooftop had been left open by chance. Being curious about a place that I couldn't normally enter, I chose an appropriate time and stepped towards the rooftop by myself.
Rather than me expecting something special to be there, it was no more than a whim to satisfy my curiosity. I might have been able to take some interesting pictures if I went somewhere different from usual, or so I had thought.
"──!"
However, I'm still grateful towards that whimsical me to this day.
When I entered the rooftop, I was greeted by a pile of scrap wood and the sky as it appeared when the day passed 4 PM.
During this period at the beginning of April, the days grew longer, and the sky started to take on a soft hue. There, where the bright and clear sunlight fell - she stood alone.
Shiranamise was looking at the sky with her smartphone in hand.
She stood above the pile of wood scraps in silence, directing a gaze, more intense than I ever saw in class, towards the blue sky.
"────"
It was only an instant. I had no time to think about it.
I had fixed my eyes on her as if I was being sucked in.
Naturally, I've often seen her in the classroom before. I was pretending not to have any interest in her. Of course, that would be the case when you are a healthy high school guy and have a cute classmate.
But the Shiranamise at that time was different from the usual her during those other times.
At any rate, it was a deeply moving scene. As I was stimulated by it, I peeked at it through the viewfinder. Because there was no reason not to click the shutter at this moment.
Inside the rectangular field of view, Shiranamise alone stared at the sky painfully.
I have no idea just what kind of feelings she harboured. Or even what was on her mind for that matter. But even so, her presence, which seemed to be carrying both tenderness and bitterness in it, pricked my heart.
What spread before my eyes was a world that was only hers.
Classroom, hallway, gymnasium and cafeteria.
It was a place slightly diverged from such daily things.
Detached from the 'School' scenery.
──Click!
And, my finger spontaneously clicked on the shutter.
However, Shiranamise's world disappeared, matching with the melancholic electric sound that got sucked up into the sky. Because, as of this moment, it ceased to be only her place. Because of a boorish intruder like me, the beautiful and transient world had disappeared.
I went and did it myself, but I regretted that fact. I wanted to stay silent and keep watching her for just a little longer, but that won't come true at this point.
"Who is it!?"
Her voice was sharp like ripping the air.
"Ah, uhh. H-Hey there."
Pressed by her angry glare together with that voice, that lame reply was all I could manage to utter. I'm well aware that I clearly looked suspicious, by being overwhelmed by the tension and darting my eyes about like that.
Contrary to my worries of whether I would be reproached, for some reason, Shiranamise hugged her Smartphone close to her chest in an apologetic manner.
I remember very well that, for some reason, the thought "she looks lonely" passed through my mind when looking at her desperately trying to hide it as if she had done something bad.
"Is it one of those pictures? The ones you are posting on the net."
That's why I had called out to her without thinking. After all, if I hadn't at least done that, it seemed as if she would be blown away by the wind
"W-Why do you know that!? Wha-, kyaa!?"
"Hey!?"
"It's nothing, I'm fine!"
Her sharp voice resounded once again. My foot that advanced a single step had stopped in its tracks.
"I'm fine, I'm fine."
It seemed that she'd be thrown out of balance at any moment now, and it was dangerous. In addition, her obstinacy to keep me away while insisting that she was okay somehow appeared really clumsy in contrast to her appearance in the classroom.
"It's obviously because you are standing on a place like that. Come on, give me your hand."
"I-I said I was okay, kyaaa!'
"Shiranamise!!"
It would've been nice and all if I was able to catch her when she lost her balance with that last step but, as pathetic as it may be, I wasn't able to support her and fell down on my back.
"Y-You──"
"Why did you climb up on a place like that!?"
"..."
"You were about to get injured, you know!?"
"A-Ah, um, I'm...sorry..."
Shiranamise dropped her shoulders in my arms and sat down as if her body gave up on her. At any rate, there doesn't seem to be anything serious, so I feel relieved for some reason.
"So, what kind of sentence did you plan to post alongside it this time?"
"Huh?"
"The picture you just took. You are going to upload it to the social site, right?"
"Y-Yes. That, that's right."
But still, looking at her again, she really is a beautiful girl. She has a shapely nose and big eyes. If only her 'don't talk to me' aura wasn't there, I think she would be really popular.
"W-What is it? Staring at me like that."
However, it seems the person was oblivious to these thoughts as she didn't even try to hide her wariness. It was indeed me who one-sidedly approached her, but it's also true that her thorny aura almost made me draw back.
But at that time, the blowing wind carried the aroma of spring and it made me feel at peace. So much so, in fact, that it made me tolerate the glare she directed at me from the side; it was prickly, just like a hedgehog.
"I'm not really doing anything."
When I said that, Shiranamise's wariness didn't show signs of dying down. While she directed a sharp glare at me, she twisted her body and turned her back to me as if trying to distance herself from me as she could. It felt as if I was being attacked by a needle.
It was sharp and stung.
"Y-You are lying."
"Hm?"
"I mean, didn't you touch my body?"
"Wait a minute, that was because I saved you, you know!? That was inevitable now, don't you think!?"
"But that doesn't change the fact that you touched me. Besides, no one asked for your help or anything......"
This girl is way too awkward.
"Hey. Isn't it boring to be acting like that?"
"Why do you have to tell me that as if you know anything? Just what do you know about me?"
"I don't know anything. You don't even talk in the classroom, after all. Isn't it impossible for me to know anything instead?"
The fact that she keeps posting crazy stuff on social sites.
The fact that she puts on headphones and plays with her smartphone by herself in class.
That's about all I know about Shiranamise. I can't disagree when she tells me that I don't know anything about her.
"So, who are you?"
"......Who, huh? Kuroe Riichi, your classmate."
"I see. So what's this classmate of mine doing here then? This rooftop should've been a no-entry zone."
"That goes for you too. I'm not here for anything in particular. If I'm forced to say, let's see... I just thought that since there is good weather today I'd be able to take good pictures from here."
Saying that I quickly raised my camera to show her. Rather, this thing isn't broken, right? I feel like it crashed down magnificently when I saved Shiranamise a while ago.
"P-Pervert!!"
"Huuh?"
"You took my picture with that, didn't you!? You pervert!"
Thinking back, she kicked and hit me back then too.
"Stop hitting me!"
"Let me go!!"
"No way, I'll get hit if I do, won't I? Just calm down for a bit."
Rather than a hedgehog, I felt like I was soothing a stray dog instead. Her baring her fangs at me full of wariness was exactly like a dog.
"Look, I didn't take any weird pictures."
I showed her the picture I took while feeling relieved that the camera was not broken. The small screen projected Shiranamise's sad figure standing on top of the pile of wood scraps with her smartphone directed at the sky.
"It's a pretty picture......"
"Right? There's no way I could miss capturing a moment like this with a camera in my hands."
"What's with acting so self-important? Either way, isn't it a peeping picture?"
"Those words don't apply anymore since you recognized the subject as a "good picture". So, it's your turn now."
"Eh?"
"Picture, I mean. You took it, right? So show it to me."
I think it was bewilderment and fright that suddenly crossed her face when I told her that. Her appearance as she tightly grasped her smartphone appeared as if she was enduring something.
"I won't laugh even if it's bad."
"That's not what I mean."
Then what else is it? I couldn't easily ask her that after seeing her excessively-troubled expression. Still, if there is something so disconcerting,
"I think you should just say it properly."
"Why are you acting so self-important?"
"I'm not acting self-important or anything. I simply thought so, that's all it is. You look to be in pain, after all. If it's just listening, I'm willing to listen."
"But......"
But Shiranamise was still worried. I did not understand just what was it that made her so obstinate, but, nevertheless, I had no plans to just leave the rooftop like this.
"Even I have things I can't tell others. For example, I wanted a new lens and secretly worked at the school. So, well, how do I say this? There's no need to keep it to yourself so much is there?"
"......You are a strange person."
"Is that so?"
"Yes, that's right. Normal people don't go so far and step into other people's matters."
"But, you are troubled, right?"
"You are meddlesome."
There's this itchy feeling when being told something like that. This time I had no such intention and I just asked because Shiranamise looked troubled, so that was really uncalled for.
"What colour is the sky for you?"
That sudden question reached my ears with a silent echo. There was an awfully earnest seriousness put into the tone of her voice that differed from the time she read textbooks aloud in the classroom.
However, because of this, I realized that she didn't ask me this question as some kind of a joke.
"The sky is blue. Well, it's different at evening and such."
"I see. That's how it normally is, huh. The sky is blue. Something like that is common sense."
"That's an awfully desperate way of speaking. Then, how is it for you? What colour does it appear to you?"
"Pale pink."
"......"
"Also, at active times it also turns purplish."
I was troubled about whether I should tell her to go to an ophthalmologist or not. I wasn't able to understand what Shiranamise was saying.
Pale pink sky she says, what's up with that?
Well, depending on the circumstances, the sky could indeed appear that way at dawn or evening. But what Shiranamise was saying was surely not about that.
"Then, what? Are all the pictures you took appearing that way to you?"
"Y-Yes. But it only appears as a normal blue sky on the pictures, huh."
Thinking about it now, it's no wonder such rumours spread. When they are told something like that, people around her wouldn’t be able to understand it at all.
"After all, you don't understand it, huh?"
"Well, yeah. But, wait a minute."
Saying so I directed my lens towards the sky.
"What are you doing?"
"How does a pale pink sky look, for example?"
I gestured the puzzled Shiranamise to come beside me. Then, as we looked at the screen together I operated the camera and steadily changed the hue.
"That's amazing. What are you doing......?"
"I'm tampering with white balance. It is easy to understand if you imagine a rainbow, but there are lots of colours in the light. It's a correction function for taking a picture with the desired colour tone from among those colours. Well, it's originally a function that originated when thinking of how to capture pure white as pure white."
While showing off my vast knowledge a bit proudly, I operated the camera in front of the surprised Shiranamise and adjusted the colours of the sky reflected on the screen. I changed the colour temperature and also adjusted the detailed corrections. On every click, the sky displayed on the screen changed its hue.
The sky that was a pale orange colour was gradually being tinged with vermillion, and then as I changed the correction value to the blue side, it started to change into a hue that could be said to be neither purple nor pink.
"It's this!!"
And then, we finally reached the sky that Shiranamise was seeing.
And as the entire screen was being tinged with a pale purplish colour, Shiranamise pointed at one part of the screen. That place was indeed tinged with a faint hue that could be called a pale pink.
"So this is the sky that Shiranamise sees?"
I clicked the shutter in that state.
"But it's still different. The truth is that the whole sky has become this kind of pale pink colour "
Her gasping voice reached my ears from beside me. Because Shiranamise was engrossed in looking at the screen, her voice that was no more than a whisper was so close that it was heard perfectly clearly.
"Ah, sorry. I'm sorry."
"No, me too, sorry."
Such a silly situation where we mutually apologized and separated in fluster brought a slight smile to my face. Along with that, I clearly remember my heart beating faster than necessary from her breath that I felt near me as well as her body temperature that still faintly remained on my upper arm.
"Hehe."
But when Shiranamise delightfully laughed, I felt my body growing hotter all the more. It was way too embarrassing, so I pretended to be fiddling with the camera and stole a glance at her. Her hair, illuminated by the sunshine while it was being blown by the wind, spilled grains of light only in her surroundings.
"......So pretty."
"Eh?"
"Eh, ah, no, I mean, it's...nothing. I mean, you know, the sky. I thought it was pretty. That's what I meant."
I couldn't be any more pathetic. Why the heck did I get all flustered like that?
But, I just couldn't help it.
Shiranamise is a beauty no matter how you put it, and her chest was touching my arm until just a moment ago. Asking me not to get flustered would be unreasonable.
"Thanks, Kuroe-kun."
Without regard for me, who was making up meaningless excuses deep down, she faced me with a tender smile. Her expression was beautiful without bounds, and, by the time I realized it, I was standing there like a fool once again, having been charmed by her.
"You are the first. The first person who saw the sky that I see."
When I came to, my whole body had turned so hot that it surprised me.
"No one understood it until now. That's why I'm truly glad to have met you here today."
Making eye contact with her is embarrassing, or rather, I'm embarrassed. Why, why did something like this......
"Ah......"
Saying so, Shiranamise stood up and left my side while I was all tensed up inside and advanced towards the rooftop's centre step by step.
Her hair being brushed by the rustling spring breeze and the gentle smile that was worn on on her face made me forget to even call out to her and I just stared at her in a daze.
"I was bullied in middle school."
Then she started talking. I couldn't see her face because she had her back turned on me, but, for some reason, her voice appeared to be delightful.
"You know those drawings done in groups? I drew a landscape during one, but I painted the sky in pale pink. Naturally, I did know that normal people didn't see it that way. But I wanted them to know what I was seeing. So that I could believe that I wasn't alone either. That's all I wanted, and yet everyone started calling me a weirdo and ridiculed me."
Her voice, being so clear that you wouldn't think she was talking about her dark past, travelled along with the wind and tickled my ears.
"After that, they ridiculed me at every opportunity. Saying things like, "What colour is the sky today?" and "Do you know of a blue sky?". When reading out aloud in class, when the words "Blue Sky" came out of my mouth by chance, the classroom would be filled with laughter. ......It made me really sad."
Emptiness from being misunderstood.
Sorrow from the denial.
And the loneliness she couldn't share with anyone.
Shiranamise had come so far without anyone accepting the world she lived in.
"Then I should just reject people like that, right? Thinking that, I started ignoring them after I advanced to my third year in middle school. The kids I considered as friends were surrounded by bullies the next day, and I couldn't bear that anymore."
"Is that why you are doing the same in the classroom?"
Just as I asked that, Shiranamise blushed. She seemed to be simply embarrassed.
"......Is it wrong?"
"Haha. You are bright red up to your ears."
"Nobody asked you!"
"I see. So that's why you posted those kinds of posts on social sites. You were thinking that there might be someone like you in the world."
"That's right."
I thought that there was no need for her to be so blunt about it, but, then again, that might also be asking for too much. After all, she's been all alone until now without being understood by anyone.
"But you know, I had a little, just a tiny bit of hope. That perhaps there was someone other than me who saw the world like me. But that never happened, and it only made me realize that I was alone."
At that moment, I realised it.
That everything, be it her obstinate attitude or the behaviour that made it impossible to talk to her, was just a result of her loneliness.
That Shiranamise has always been living in such world all by herself, so she had no other choice but to do that.
"That's why let me say it properly. Listen, I won't say something like this for a second time so listen well. ......Thank you."
She appeared very embarrassed when she suddenly turned around after saying those words, but even so, her expression looked more gentle than any other she had shown so far. Her cheeks tinged with a little red, her bashful lips, as well as her gaze filled with affection...each and every one of them was brimming with colour and life.
I felt my heart skip a beat and then race in turn, its beat thudding through my entire body with a nice rhythm.
Ah, it’s simple even if I say so myself, I thought.
For me to become so conscious of her with just her single smile.
But, there's no way I wouldn't. That girl, who was so awkward and didn't let anyone near her, was now revealing her feelings for me so honestly.
"I'll bring the picture tomorrow."
"Eh?"
"I'll properly do the finishing touches."
And so I left the rooftop alone, leaving the taken aback Shiranamise behind.
She might've thought I was sympathizing with her.
Or that I was taking pity on her.
Thinking about what she felt at that moment, I became anxious.
But even so, I wanted to do something for her.
Her bashful face remained deep in my heart without fading.
Those words of thanks she conveyed to me kept coming back and increasing my heartrate.
I just listened to her talk. But if just that little action is enough to make her show me such expressions, I would do anything for her. That's how I felt.
I rushed towards my home while feeling like I could do anything. I tampered with my PC all night like a madman and used all my skills to the very limit, and I produced a single photograph.
Because I believed I was doing that for Shiranamise.
Because I thought that was all I could do for her.
That's why I produced a single photo.
It was the photo I snapped when I first stepped into the rooftop.
Under the ephemeral, yet beautiful pale pink sky, the pile of wood scraps she stood on, the Abies Tower visible behind her, as well as the townscape of Misono city were all similarly dyed in pale pink.
Among them, only Shiranamise was full of colour and looked alienated.
That's why I produced a picture that instinctively made you feel that she was isolated and that she lived all by herself in this world.
"Shiranamise."
"Kuroe-kun?"
When I went to school the next day, I called out to her first thing in the morning. She was tampering with her smartphone alone as usual. It could be that today she was making her usual posts once again and trying to find people living in the same world as her.
If so, then she was surely lonely and covering them with an prickly attitude.
"Here."
Honestly speaking, I might have been too abrupt. Because the first thing I did in the morning, without any prior notice whatsoever, was present her with an envelope.
But at this moment at least, all I thought was that I had to do something for her, and the only correct thing I hit upon was this.
"I didn't think you would really bring it here."
While not paying attention to me whose head was filled with such thoughts, Shiranamise opened the envelope and looked down at the picture that was inside.
"This is the world I live in...... So it was this pretty."
Seeing the picture gently stroked by her fingertip, I felt somewhat shy and embarrassed. I aimlessly looked at the clock and at the classmates that entered the classroom, and then,
"Thank you, Kuroe-kun."
My eyes met with Shiranamise who thanked me with slightly teary eyes.
The feeling that spread spread through me at that moment almost made me tear up as well without me noticing. I was able to do something for her. That realization had made feelings of delight well up within me.
Supposing that there are moments where you suddenly find yourself in love with someone, I believe that they are caused by the most trivial of things.
But well, that just might be what we call fate.
After all, it was really nothing more than a whim of mine.
That day, I dropped by the rooftop out of curiosity and stumbled upon the troubled Shiranamise. There was something that I could do for her and I was thanked for it.
That's all it was, and nothing more.
There was nothing dramatic about it.
It was just a little rapport.
However, that tiny feeling was more important to me than anything else, and, ever since that small beginning, I started to fall in love with her more and more.
That's why this surely was also fate.
▼
"So you were playing hooky in a place like this."
"Natsumi?"
"Everyone's doing the major cleaning and you alone are idling around like this here, that's no good."
Natsumi, while wearing a jersey with her hair up in a ponytail, climbed the stairs towards me. The nape of her neck seemed cool, and it cooled me down just looking at it.
"I'm not really playing hooky. I was just taking a little rest. Besides, it's December 23 today, right? Just coming to school on a national holiday is something to be praised for."
"I understand that you want to quibble about it. But it can't be helped, you know? All the students are participating in the major cleanup."
"You say that, but you are sitting down here yourself."
"I can't?"
"No. It's fine, for a little bit."
At any rate, it's not like the overall result would improve even if you gave your all with that cleaning. So, that being the case, there's no harm in taking a little breather.
There were few people on the stairway landing located on the rooftop. When we drew closer to each other in order to avoid the cold wind blowing from the opened gate, her warmth transferred to me through the thin jersey.
The reason the gate that should usually be closed was left open now was to transport garbage that couldn't be put away. Just a while ago, I climbed the stairs with great trouble while wiping off my sweat even in cold weather like this. Well, I got too tired, so when I let go of the trash I held I just sat down on the stairs and took a breather.
"Natsumi. You have no place in the classroom anymore, right?"
"W-W-W-What are you saying!?"
"You are too shaken!"
"You said such a strange thing so it's natural that I would be!"
More than half year has passed since that spring day, and Natsumi also became quite gentle. However, most of the time she was alone in the classroom, as always, and I've practically never seen her talk to classmates other than me.
"Even you don't want to go back to the classroom, so you are in this place, right!?"
"I see. That's true. In that case, since I'll be going back first, you can stay here a while longer."
When I stood up after saying that, the teary-eyed Natsumi clung to the hem of my jersey.
"Why are you being so mean. Riichi you idiot, blockhead!"
"What do you mean blockhead...... Well, fine."
If I tease her too much, she would start jabbing at me. This should be a good opportunity.
"By the way, where are your headphones?"
Ah, so this is why I felt that the nape of her neck looked cold. The large headphones she always wore were nowhere to be seen, and her white nape was exposed to the cold air.
"Even I remove them when doing major cleanups. They become a hindrance."
"Even though you couldn't bear being alone in the classroom and ran away from there, wait, ouch!"
You don't have to pinch me with all your strength.
"So, are you alright? Don't you have a headache?"
"It's okay, I'm fine. The sky is also calm today."
"I see. But still, it's so strange. Your headache going away when putting on your headphones."
"Right. I wonder about that too."
While saying that, Natsumi drew closer to me.
"Ah, hey!"
"What is it~?"
"No, nevermind."
The moment when she did such a childish action, i wasn't able to say anything back While feeling the warmth on my shoulder I lent an ear to the distant tumult. This pounding heart...I wonder which of us it belonged to? When I glanced at her, Natsumi had her eyes closed in comfort.
"Hey, Riichi."
I got flustered from being called out and looked away. I wondered whether she found out that I was peeking at her.
"Riichi, are you listening?"
"I am. What is it?"
"I am glad to have met you."
"W-What? What are you saying all of a sudden......"
"Feeling embarrassed?"
"Shut up!"
"So you are."
"I said be quiet!"
"Hehe, that was payback for some time ago."
Damn it, did I tease her too much? To think she would get back at me in this way.
But I feel that if that makes her happy then I don't really mind. And also, her chest is touching me.
"Are you thinking of something lewd?"
"Of course not!"
Is she an esper or something? I'm getting flustered.
"Hey, Riichi. Do you remember? The time we met for the first time."
"Well, I guess."
"It was here. We met here, on this rooftop."
Being told that by Natsumi, I looked over my shoulder.
"I think I was plain shocked when you just up and left me behind."
"Well, sorry about that."
"But well, you brought the picture with you the next day so I forgive you."
But well, she talked in such a cheerful voice that I don't know how to feel about it.
"But, I'm glad. That Riichi was the one who found me."
"It was nothing special. It was just by pure chance, you know, pure chance."
"You don't have to get so embarrassed about it. Because that made me really happy."
When she faced me with such a beaming smile, even I became happy.
"So, Riichi, stay beside me, okay?"
"......Natsumi. Your face is red you kn-, Ouch!?"
"Agh, why are you so insensible when it counts? Come on, let's go already. The cleanup hasn't ended yet."
"Fine, fine."
Standing up, we descended on the stairs.
"Hey, Riichi."
"What?"
"I'm looking forward to tomorrow."
While staring in blank amazement, I saw Natsumi off, who went running down the stairs with her hair fluttering.
I'm beat.
When she tells me that with such an expression, I have to make tomorrow the best day at any cost. Still, even the anticipation of it felt fun now, and I chased after her back as I descended the stairs.
The iron door made a melancholic sound as it rattled in the wind.
▼
And so, today on Christmas Eve I was the first to arrive at our meeting place, but I can't seem to calm myself down for some reason.
I've been filled with restlessness for some time now. For some strange reason, my hands are sweating badly, even in this cold. After checking my smartphone for half a minute and turning it off, it already became sweaty.
Everything should be the fault of the surrounding atmosphere.
As our meeting spot was in the business district, it was full of people who were waiting for someone, the same as me. Boys restlessly looked around and girls, unable to settle down, played with their smartphones; when there were so many people restlessly waiting for someone, of course I wouldn't be able to settle down myself.
"I seriously can't calm down."
Aah, damn it. If I'm going to be like this, I wish I brought a camera with me. My feelings would have settled down after taking a suitable picture.
"I made a blunder."
"What do you mean?"
"Ueh!?"
I was at my wits' end, so when I was suddenly addressed to from the side, I unintentionally let out a funny voice.
"You don't have to be so surprised."
"N-Natsumi."
"Sorry. Did you wait long?"
Today's latecomer quickly lowered her head while looking uneasy.
"Ah, it's fine, really. I also just got here."
I became pathetically flustered. Following last night’s scenario, I should've greeted her in a smarter way. What the hell did I just do?
"Hehe, thanks. For arriving early."
I seem to have become quite overwhelmed due to my pathetic actions, but there's no way I would not be healed when she gives me that usual soft smile of hers.
"......So, don't you have something to say to me?"
She said that while pinching her clothes, and she looked just gorgeous in them.
I was too embarrassed to compliment her, so the awkwardness of being asked about her clothes up front made me want to avoid her gaze.
It goes without saying, but Natsumi wasn't in her uniform today. She wore a white, knitted corset that was taut across her chest and a thick, red coat on top of it. She was also wearing a skirt. Strangely enough, that appearance that I wouldn't normally see made me feel like it wasn't the first time I was seeing it. Even so, her outfit was so appropriate for this day that it made me realize just how important today was.
"It really......suits you."
That's all I said, and yet why did I have to strain my words out like this? My embarrassment went beyond the limit; I didn't want to stay here even a second longer.
"Come, let's go already."
"Come on, there's nothing that embarrassing about it."
"Shut up!"
I stood alongside Natsumi, who was laughing in amusement, and we went forth into the streets of Christmas Eve as if to chase the backs of the pair that went before us.
Countless people like couples and families who we passed by gave off a lively mood. It felt as if the entire town was more lively than ever.
And in this town that was bustling with joy, Natsumi, who walked beside me, looked to be enjoying herself far more than usual. Just by looking at her striding lightly, the joy of being together with her today welled up inside me.
Yeah, I'm glad.
I was stupidly nervous when I invited her, but I'm truly glad that I did it.
"Riichi, you are grinning from ear to ear for some reason."
"Wha-!? No! What are you talking about!"
"You are so flustered. And your face is red like a tomato. Did something good happen, perhaps?"
She's doing it on purpose, I know it! She has that mischievous expression all over her face!
"I said it's nothing!"
"Though, I would be happy if you became a bit more honest with your feelings~"
If I could do that, all my troubles would go away. But well, how should I say it, there's no doubting the fact that I'm glad to be with Natsumi today. And so.
"Ah."
"What is it?"
"It's nothing, hehe. Shall we go?"
I took her hand without saying anything and continued walking. Well, it's that. There's no need for words in this situation.
And so, while having such an embarrassing exchange, we continued walking through the streets.
Normally, I would want to start jumping for joy with just that much, but today was different after all.
It was Christmas Eve.
The streets were decorated in a Christmas theme and it was brilliant and colourful anywhere you looked. And I was walking with her while surrounded by such scenery. However, it would be strange for me to be happy with just this.
"Hey, Riichi, look there for a bit! Isn't that just cute?"
Natsumi looked really cute while spiritedly checking the clothes put in the display window.
"Natsumi, try this as well. it's really tasty."
Feeding each other brazenly in front of the store made me feel really cheerful. And just for today, we could be together. That fact made me happy and warm feelings spread around in my heart.
There should be plenty more chances like this in the future.
We can do the New Year's shrine visit, and there's also Valentine’s in February. There are no class changes when moving to the third year in school, so we'll once again be in the same class next year.
"Riichi, look. What a wonderful sunset."
"Ah, it's that time already, huh?"
In a cafe we entered, we enjoyed an idle chat a bit too much and completely forgot about the time. Before we had noticed, the sun had started to set and shadows started spreading bit by bit.
"Hey, Natsumi. Why don't we go to school for a bit?"
"Why? Did you forget something?"
"No, it's nothing like that. It's just, don't you want to check out the school on a day like this?"
As I spoke those words, I could feel a pounding sensation in my chest for some reason
Suddenly the dream I had two days back came to mind, and I shook it off in a fluster.
"Hmm, it does sound interesting, but I wonder if we can enter?"
"It's okay. I have the route secured."
What was that feeling just now...?
That slightly uncomfortable feeling in my heart. However, it was soon painted over by the happiness and warm feelings of enjoyment.
And thus, we arrived at the school in a festive mood.
"I didn't think we'd actually be able to enter."
"I said I had it covered, didn't I? WI said I had it covered, didn't I? When taking a stroll to take a picture, I noticed that one of the windows in the art room had its lock broken."
"Could it be that you entered without permission even before today?"
"Who knows."
"You're not so much of a goody-two-shoes after all. Don't get me involved if you get in some trouble, okay?"
"Wait, isn't that the part where you are supposed to say "I'll come to save you"?"
"Eh, I've no obligation to save someone who violates school rules, do I?"
"Eh, I mean. Without me, you'll just go back into being a loner."
"Riichi!"
"Hahaha."
My footsteps resounded inside the quiet school as I ran from the flushed Natsumi.
"Stop running already!!"
We joked around like that, and Natsumi seemed to be enjoying it as well. But I fully understood her feelings.
The usually lively school building was now dead silent, the class we casually tried to enter was locked, and we also couldn't turn on the light in the hallway since someone might have found us. In addition, how should I say this, this feeling of being unable to do all these everyday things made us feel quite excited.
Even the lights and sounds coming inside the window felt distant, and the sensation that we were truly the only ones here had set in.
Somehow, it felt that we were doing something quite special at this moment.
"Oh, lucky! The lock is unlocked!"
"Oh, really? I suppose someone forgot to lock it yesterday."
"That's probably the case."
With those words, I opened the iron gate and the cold wind assaulted me. Christmas songs carried by the wind reached us from the street that was a bit separated from this place
The whole town lit up and the veil of darkness had descended in its full might.
It felt quite mysterious.
The rooftop in the evening gave off a tranquil feeling, which was quite different from the school building itself.
Since it was past 6 PM, naturally the sun had already set and night had arrived in full swing.
"It's amazing."
"I know, right?"
The sight spread before us was entrancing...so much so that it filled me with pride as I answered.
In the shopping district where we had just been, there was an office complex where tall buildings stood next to each other. Seeing Misono fully decorated so gaudily, I unintentionally leaked a sigh of admiration.
"This is a special seat. From here we'll even see the illumination of the Abies Tower."
Indeed, this tower was visible from just about anywhere, but, after thinking about the best place out of all of them, this is the place that came to my mind.
Back then, on that day when I had a chance encounter with Natsumi, I had clearly seen that giant tower standing unobstructed in the background.
And so, I chose this place. After all, this is where everything began.
On that day of spring, if either of us hadn't gone to the rooftop then this day would never have come to pass. And, if that happened, I'm sure we would've simply passed each other by as we spent the rest of our days at school.
But here we are now.
And for that reason, it had to be this place and not any other.
The place where I confess to her.
"The empty school sure feels nice."
"Yeah, I'm glad we came here."
"Yep."
Silence descended.
Filling up the space between us, softly, and quietly.
"........."
"........."
We were wordless with butterflies fluttering in our stomachs.
I was filled with nervousness.
I felt each and every beat of my heart.
"Ouch!"
"Natsumi?"
When I turned around, Natsumi was grimacing while holding her temple.
"Is it the usual?"
"Yeah, it is."
This happened from time to time. I don't know whether the cause was a migraine or something else, but Natsumi sometimes suffered terrible headaches. And at such times, she would usually put on her trademark headphones.
When she said it lessened the pain when doing so It sounded strange, but it still worked better than the pills she received from the doctor, so I guess it was indeed the case.
"Where are your headphones?"
"I don't have them with me today, as expected. It's Christmas Eve, after all."
Or so she said but, looking at her grimacing so much, it seems the pain was intense.
"I see. Well then. It can't be helped, I guess."
"Riichi? Ah......"
"I'll cover your ears."
That was pretty poor for a pretext even if I say so myself. Hugging her just to cover her ears. But, isn't it fine? I was at my limit already after spending the whole day with her.
When we met at our meeting place, when we walked the streets hand in hand, when we snuck into this empty school–I've wanted to embrace her the entire time.
And it seems it wasn't just me who felt that way.
Her body leaned on me, and, while at first it merely touched me, she glued herself to me more strongly. I felt her presence growing in my arms.
Her softness, the sweet aroma of her hair as well as her heartrending sighs–every part of her seduced me. Excitement welled up from deep within me, and it traced down my spine. And as if chasing those excited feelings, Natsumi's fingers crawled on my back.
It put me under the delusion of being caressed, and it became harder to restrain myself by the second.
I desired her even more.
"Riichi, it's too tight!"
"And what of it?"
"Ah......"
I hugged her roughly and passionately. I hugged her body with all my might as if my whole body desired her.
Her sweet scent and her heartrending sighs...all of it belonged to me.
But it's still not enough.
I was filled with an unbearable longing for her.
I want more.
Her existence, her touch, her heart, and even more....
I desire more of her.
"Natsumi."
"......Riichi."
Her listless and sentimental reply sent a numbing sensation that went through my whole body from head to toe.
And then, I titled my head.
To get even closer to her.
And to deliver my feelings.
"Mph"
It was an affectionate kiss, a kiss to feel her.
Full of my feelings to treasure her, just as strong as my desire for her.
It's because I want her so much that I want to treasure her deeply.
I don't want to hurt her in any way.
The second time was more affectionate than the first.
"......"
"......"
Both my head and my heart were full of Natsumi.
There was no room in them for anything else.
At this very moment, I felt that only Natsumi and I existed in this world.
We separated our lips and stared at each other.
Her hazy eyes.
Her cheeks dyed with love.
And her slightly open mouth. All were lasciviously inviting me.
Therefore, the words naturally came from from my mouth.
"I love you, Natsumi."
In an instant, vibrant feelings of love and excitement overflowed from me.
My entire body trembled from a different sense of delight compared to hugging and kissing her.
"Yeah."
Her reply sounded teary.
"Me too."
The feelings she was unable to suppress overflowed from her every word.
"I love you. I love you too, Riichi."
Thus, the world lost its outline. There was only Natsumi visible in my view.
"...!"
Wishing to convey that happiness, I closed my eyes.
I felt her hot breath on my face.
Scalding, searing, scorching.....
Excitement filled the space between us.
"Agh─"
And then, Natsumi vomited blood.
Before my eyes widened in shock, she started to slowly collapse. Having collapsed in my arms, her hair spread out and gave off a dazzling brilliance that seemed completely out of place.
"What...is this even....... Isn't it just like in that dream......?"
▼
"──!"
And then, I shot up.
I looked around in a fluster then picked up my smartphone and looked at the screen. It clearly displayed the date 'December 22'.
"Haaaaaaah"
Releasing a big sigh, I collapsed on the bed.
Just what the hell was that dream? I thought I woke from a dream where Natsumi died and shot up, but that turned out to be a dream too, and it even had the same conclusion. It's rare to see two nightmares on top of each other, but if possible I don't want to experience something like that. Or could deja vu happen inside of a dream when I'm not aware that I'm dreaming?
I don't really get it.
But, unlike the first dream, we kissed in the second one. Which means, in the third one...
"In that case, maybe I should see it just one more time. Or rather, does it make this the third one?"
In that case, rather than starting all the way from 22nd December, I wish I could dream of that exact moment from the 24th. I don't need such a roundabout way of teasing.
"Is this where I should stop saying crazy things and go to school?"
Perhaps the day after tomorrow I will wake up with some stupid delusions. Stepping out to the balcony with my camera in my hands, I ended up shivering from the excessive cold.
"Cold!"
But, disregarding that, I peeked through the finder and my head cooled down right away.
"──"
As I concentrated, my senses started to sharpen and it felt good. I felt as though my senses resembled what I had felt recently, but, disregarding that, I directed my attention towards the scene before me.
Numerous light poles were put along the row of houses. Tree sparrows were resting on the electric lines, and opposite to the residential district there was a business district filled with skyscrapers. And in the centre of them stood the sky-piercing Abies Tower.
The streets of Misono city were once more lit with the low, morning sun of winter. It rose from stark shadows, bringing a serene atmosphere, and even the crowds were bathed in its color.
It was an ordinary morning with a peculiar atmosphere filled with both lethargy and haste.
Many people took the new day, precisely because it was a new day, to let go of their pent up feelings.
──click!
The short sound of the electronic camera shutter hit my eardrums, and, finishing my daily routine, the only thing left to do was to change into my uniform and go to school.
I went back inside my room with such thoughts, but the moment I saw the camera magazine that was left on the desk I spontaneously extended my hand towards it.
"First Place - Kuroe Riichi"
This short phrase accompanied the picture of Natsumi.
That picture I took on the rooftop where everything began was undoubtedly my best work. But the reason I wasn't fully satisfied with its high evaluation was probably because of my feelings of guilt for submitting it without telling her.
I submitted this picture when I was acting quite deliriously. So much so, in fact, that I got up earlier than I usually do just to meet her as soon as I could.
"Even if I stay like this forever nothing will change anyway."
I would be late for school if I didn't go and quickly change my clothes.
Thus, at lunch break. Due to Natsumi's request, who still couldn't get out of being a loner, we ate lunch in a room with no people.
"Why did you reject it?"
It seems that Natsumi, wearing a sullen expression, was unable to agree with my decision of rejecting the request to be in charge of the photographs for the pamphlet for new students. My photos were only on the level of a hobby. If someone was to take on that job, it was better for them to be a pro; that was something anyone should understand.
"But the picture you took is posted on a pamphlet for new students, right? I guess the teachers thought it was good and requested that. It took first place after all, you know?"
"I'm saying it was just by pure chance. In the first place, since I submitted it without even notifying you, the award is already invalid, isn't it?"
"You sure are honest in the strangest ways. And stubborn at that too. Wouldn't it be fine if you were a bit more flexible about it?"
When she said that, I felt a strange feeling of having experiencing this already.
"Hey, Natsumi. Did we have this conversation before?"
"Eh, did we? I don't really remember it."
"I see. I suppose it's me mistaking it then."
We've talked a bunch of times about me winning first place. I probably mixed it up with a memory of one of those times. After all, be it summer or fall, we've spent a lot of time together since our first meeting in spring.
"Ah, Riichi."
"Hm?"
"You have rice on your face."
The finger she suddenly extended brushed my cheek. There was a grain of rice on her pretty finger and she put it in her mouth without any hesitation.
"At least say so before you do something like that."
"I said it didn't I? That there was rice on your face."
"You could've said something else, right!?"
"Eh? Are you perhaps embarrassed?"
"Shut up!"
And thus, our lunch break passed quietly as we chatted about such things.
"By the way, about the day after yesterday, everything's fine on your end, right......?"
I unintentionally sighed from her evasive way of speaking.
"W-What's with that reaction!?"
"'What' you say...isn't that given. How many times does this make it? You bringing up that topic."
"It doesn't matter, does it? Besides, I'm anxious about it. A-After all, I never had a d-date promise with a boy before......"
Hm? Haven't I seen this current expression of Natsumi somewhere before?
"Hey Riichi, don't ignore me!"
"O-Oh. Sorry. Anyway, everything's fine. In front of the station at eleven o'clock, right?"
"Yup, that's right. And then, we'll watch the illumination of Abies Tower together."
"Yeah, I know. That reminds me, I don't think I've seen the Christmas illumination before this."
Though it becomes the main topic when this time comes around every year, I usually don't particularly have any plans to see it; rather, it is pointless to stroll on the street on Christmas Eve, so I never go out.
"M-Me too. That's why this year I want us to see it together no matter what......Okay?"
Wow, what is this? I feel happy for some reason. So there's a girl who would say these kinds of words to me.
"The Christmas Eve will surely be fun. Let's absolutely make the most out of it."
Christmas Eve.
In contrast to the lively Natsumi, I'm experiencing a stronger feeling of deja vu than I've had until now.
What is this?
What's even going on?
I don't really get it, but those words left a bad impression on me.
"I love you. I love you, Riichi!"
Those words that were etched in my mind were the words from the dream I saw this morning.
Experiencing déjà vu about a nightmare while… inside of a nightmare isn't something that I'm happy about.
"Riichi?"
Her worried voice quickly brought me back to my senses.
"Is something wrong? Your complexion looks poor."
"Y-Yeah. I'm fine. It's nothing. I just remembered a dream I saw today."
"A dream?"
"Don't worry about it. I just woke up in a bad way, that's all."
"Is that so?"
Natsumi had a bit of a lonely look on her face, but how can I even tell her about such a dream? In the first place, just because I saw that dream doesn't mean something like that would happen in reality. In reality, Natsumi will continue living and stay by my side, just as she has done so far.
In that case, there's nothing to worry about, is there?
Those awful moments of déjà vu accumulated as the day progressed, and, as horrible as it may be, the next day that sensation assaulted me thrice. Puzzled by it, I looked it up on the internet and it was apparently not all that rare, so I ignored it. Well, that said, it was no more than the feeling that I've experienced this before, so there was no use worrying about it.
And thus, Christmas Eve arrived. I was the first to arrive at our meeting place, and I was attacked by that sensation yet again. I have seen it. These congested streets, this scenery. I've definitely seen it somewhere....
"Sorry, Riichi. Did you wait long?"
And, after seeing Natsumi's appearance, that feeling turned into firm conviction.
"Why... those clothes..."
She wore a white, knitted corset that was taut across her chest and a thick, red coat on top of it. She was also wearing a skirt. There's no doubt about it. I've definitely seen those clothes somewhere.
"Do they look...weird?"
"Ah, no. Not at all. They look good on you."
But I couldn't tell something like that to her.
"Ehehe. Your clothes look quite nice as well. ...So, shall we go?"
I followed after Natsumi who started walking in a lively manner, and we headed towards the shopping district; but still, these questions kept going round and round in my head.
Why?
How?
Aren't these clothes she's wearing the exact ones she wore in that dream? Why is she wearing them now?
"Riichi, look! Aren't these clothes cute?"
"Which—huh..."
What Natsumi pointed at with lively expression was a mannequin put in the display window. But, wait a minute. Haven't I seen that one as well? At that time, Natsumi pointed at that very thing with a lively voice.
I confirmed my surroundings in a fluster.
People came and went with Christmas songs playing in the background. To me, that scene of people happily strolling around appeared as something very frightening.
"Riichi? What's wrong?"
"Ah, it's nothing. Sorry."
"Come on. How about you put aside your daydreaming for another day."
"Y-Yeah. I got it already... huh, Natsumi!?
"...I can't?"
She shyly linked arms with me, and we continued walking in high spirits without letting go. Just walking through the street filled with Christmas colours should've been something to be happy about, but for some reason I was filled with inexpressible uneasiness.
"Hey, Riichi, try eating this."
"Y-Yeah, this is tasty."
Because of that, I had to strain myself just to put those words together.
"Hey, let's enter that cafe for a bit."
"Sounds fine. It looks like a neat place."
Even my smile ended up being somewhat forced.
Hidden under my enjoyment, there was this anxiety I couldn't get rid of. I felt heavy as if there was something I couldn't clearly express.
"Riichi, look. What a wonderful sunset."
"Ah, it's that time already, huh?"
It happened the moment I said those words. I was assaulted by the strongest déjà vu of the past three days.
The scenery, the exchanged words, and the feelings I held. All of these mixed with each other and they all started clattering inside my head.
It's scary. Should I really ignore something that's bothering me this much...?
"Natsumi, let's move somewhere else."
"What's the plan?"
"Let's go somewhere from where we can clearly see the Abies Tower."
In reality, I had planned to take her to school and watch the moment when the Abies Tower lit up from there. However, I felt that it was a bad idea. After all, Natsumi had died twice on that rooftop if I include the dream I had the day before yesterday.
That said, even if I search for some other place now, I doubt there would be any open shops around considering what day today is.
With those thoughts, I faced towards the gaudiest and most people-filled avenue within the shopping district.
"Wow! It's amazing, Riichi. So pretty."
Just as Natsumi said, with the liveliest voice so far, the avenue scenery was certainly beyond my imagination. So much so that I even forgot my anxiety for a moment.
Stone-paved roads stretching straight ahead. On both sides of it, which had the width of about four lanes, gingko trees, having been covered with vivid autumn leaves until just recently, stood in rows. Now that the season had changed, each one of them was covered with dazzling decorations.
And beyond the road was the Abies Tower, which we looked forward to the most, standing tall.
That somewhat, or rather, quite beautiful scenery also made other passerby people raise their voices in admiration and stop to take pictures of it.
"Hey, let's take pictures too."
"Ah, hey. Don't be so hasty."
Natsumi, full of liveliness, clung to me tightly and set up her smartphone and tried to fit both of us on the screen.
"Riichi, come closer. I can't take the picture."
"I get it, you don't have to press me so much."
It would be annoying to those looking at us from the side, but today was Christmas Eve. I want them to overlook us this much.
"Look look, Riichi, it turned out pretty nicely."
"Natsumi, you sure are in high spirits today. Don't get too worked up and get yourself hurt."
"Don't treat me like a kid already! I'll be fine. ...Ah."
"Ah..."
When it comes to peering into the tiny screen of a smartphone, you naturally have to draw your face near it, and with this congestion on top of it, we ended up being glued together. Wow, there's even a couple kissing just next to us.
"I-It somehow reminds me of that time. You know, when we met at the rooftop."
Natsumi also stole glances at that couple while playing with her hair.
"Y-Yeah. That's right. It also turned out like this back then."
It's not just because we were close. My heart was racing and heat accumulated on my cheeks, but it's not just those reasons.
"Natsumi."
As I called out to her, urged by my heart that pounded like alarm bells, I felt that my tone sounded different from usual.
"What is it, Riichi."
Even her reply contained a certain charm different from usual.
"I love you."
I said it with a timing that can only be described as impulsive.
"Yes."
She nodded in teary voice.
"Me too."
The feelings she was unable to suppress overflowed from her every word.
"I love you. I love you too, Riichi."
Thus, the world lost its outline. There was only Natsumi visible in my view.
"...!"
Wishing to convey that happiness, I closed my eyes.
I felt her breath behind my dark eyelids.
Scalding, searing, scorching.....
Excitement filled the space between us.
"Hey, run away!"
"It's falling!"
"Look out!"
As I opened my eyes due to the screams from all around, I saw a roadside tree falling down.
"Natsumi─!?"
"Riichi─?"
And Natsumi got swallowed up before my eyes.
"Huh?"
A sudden exploding sound reached my ears as I stood there stunned. It was followed by an unusual burning smell.
"It's burning─!!!"
Despite hearing someone's yell, I couldn't move a step. I stood completely devastated, unable to even think. Then, only after someone pulled my hand did I finally come to my senses.
"Ah....Aaaa....Aaaaaaaaaaa!!! Natsumi, Natsumi, Natsumi!!!"
"I said it's dangerous, get back!!"
"Shut up! There, Natsumi... Natsumi is...!!"
After hearing the explosion.
And after looking at the burning gingko tree I finally noticed it. This was definitely not a dream. And the tree was without a doubt burning before my eyes... and Natsumi was also there.
▼
"─!?"
Then I shot up and checked my smartphone in a fluster.
The date was 'December 22'.
"Did time...turn back...?"
My single mutter got absorbed by the atmosphere of my empty room.
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